Friday, December 2, 2011


Infertility is often considered a taboo topic. No one wants to hear about someone's struggles with conception. I find this very interesting considering the fact that society seems to be fascinated by pregnant women. I've had close friends tell countless stories about people walking up to them while they were pregnant and touching their swollen bellies without invitation. People love babies so why is it that they shy away from the topic of conception and the difficulties some couples face achieving it? Furthermore, why are those who suffer from infertility afraid to admit it and instead chose to hide it from their family and friends?

I'm most definitely not in the majority. I have never hidden my struggles with infertility. In fact, I've probably been more open an honest about it than many people would prefer. I don't see any reason to be ashamed of it though. It's a disease, like any other, and there is no reason to feel ashamed. There's nothing wrong with me because I can't conceive without medical intervention. I'm not defective.

I've always wanted to be a Mommy. I had 5 Cabbage Patch Dolls when I was a little girl for goodness sake! They were poor substitutes for the real thing though and I couldn't wait to grow up and have babies of my own. As I got older and I was able to understand the birds and the bees, I never once considered the fact that I would have trouble getting pregnant. Ironically, until after my mother passed away when I was 22, I did everything in my power to prevent getting pregnant. I assumed that when I stopped using contraceptives, I would conceive quite easily. I was so naive!!

My husband and I had several factors working against us and it took us 7 and a half years to finally conceive. We spent the first 2 years trying on our own and then sought medical help. We had no idea what a roller coaster ride fertility treatments would be but we quickly learned!! We underwent multiple cycles of IUI and after a lot of soul searching we ultimately decided to take the plunge and do IVF. It was the best decision we ever made.

Once again I was naive. When we finally conceived, I assumed that the hard part was over. Boy was I in for a rude awakening!!! Almost 5 years ago we were blessed with two precious miracles; however, the pregnancy and delivery were anything but typical. Giving birth to Madelynn and Mason at 24 weeks gestation by emergency c-section after spending 5 weeks in the hospital on bed rest was certainly not what I had envisioned. I couldn't hold my sweet babies or even touch them for fear of hurting them because they were so sick. Mason was 2 months old the first time I got to hold him and the first time I got to hold Madelynn was also the last.

It has taken my husband and I a long time to get to this point, but we are finally ready to add to our family. We have always wanted to have at least 2 children, and while we still very much consider ourselves to have 2 children even though one of them resides in Heaven, we feel that our family is not yet complete. Mason frequently asks for a baby brother or sister and we would prefer not to have him grow up as an only child.

We are once again climbing aboard the fertility roller coaster ride, but this time we're going into it with our eyes wide open. There are no guarantees and, if we beat the odds and conceive, I will have to be monitored very closely throughout the entire pregnancy. It's a risk we are willing to take though. God blessed us almost 5 years ago with 2 precious miracles and we are confident that he will bless us once again.

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