It's been five weeks today since we did the embryo transfer. By my calculations, I would've been 8 weeks pregnant tomorrow. I'm sure over the next year I'm going to constantly be thinking about our little bean and wondering how far along in my pregnancy I would've been for various ocassions and holidays. It's hard not to think about things like that, especially considering the fact that everywhere I go, I'm bombared by the sight of pregnant bellies. Church, the grocery store, taking my little man to therapy, the mall, the park, etc. It's kind of like when you're considering buying a new car. Suddenly, everywhere you look, it seems like everyone is driving the car you want. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't envious of all those baby bumps.
I've had several family members and friends tell me that maybe we weren't meant to have any more children; that maybe our son was meant to be an only child. It may sound extreme, but the only thing I can compare this to would be telling someone who's lost a limb that maybe they weren't meant to have all four limbs; that they shouldn't bother getting a prosthetic limb. I'm sure am amputee wouldn't appreciate hearing that sentiment anymore than a couple who wishes to have another child wants to hear that they should simply be content with one. I realize that many people simply don't know what to say when they encounter a couple who is dealing with infertility or has suffered a miscarriage; however, sometimes it's best to simply say, "I'm sorry." My husband and I want more than anything to give our son a sibling. I don't think that makes us selfish. Many people have more than one child and no one frowns upon their desire to expand their families. Why should couples who face infertility be treated any differently?
We've spent the last few weeks researching adoption laws here in our state, as well as reading various books written by adoption industry professionals who have adopted children themselves. The books have been particularly helpful because they've helped us consider things that we hadn't before, for example, do we want to specify gender, are we willing to adopt a baby that was exposed to drugs in utero, etc. We still have a few questions that we haven't come to a consensus on, but I know we will as we go through the adoption process. I initiated that process today by emailing the agency that we have chosen to work with. Now the waiting begins. I should get an email back in about a week or so and then we have to attend an information meeting which is actually more of a question and answer session. We'll find out more about adoption in general, as well as the specifics of adopting through that agency. Once we complete that we will need to fill out an application and wait to see if the agency feels we are a good fit.
We're about to embark on a journey into the great unknown but I know in my heart that we are on the right path. While I know I will still occasionally be envious of all of those pregnant bellies that I seem to be surrounded by wherever I go, it no longer matters that I won't be the one with the baby bump. In fact, lately, when I encounter a baby bump, I've begun to wonder if maybe that woman is the birth mother of our future son or daughter. All that matters now is finding the little one out there somewhere who is waiting to be welcomed into our family.